Rev @Maz@glitch.social

Note to self if ever meet Poco from year ahead in primary school must apologise for endlessly annoying her rhyming her name (can't remember what she looked like other than brown hair tho}

Sometimes I feel like a bad tran because I had generally a pretty good time in secondary school.

Like I still fucked up my a levels and people did try to bully me a little bit outside of school (didn't really work) but maybe the fact I went to a single sex grammar school meant no-one fucked with me due to smarts or gender policed.

Though unfortunately wasn't a gay experience I would have totally loved to make out with a few of the girls.

Also it's good for when you're still looking for a job and having people appreciate what you do temporarily makes you feel not like shit

If you're mildly suicidal, like not actively stocking up on pills just careless around knives, be a lollypop person you get to walk out into busy traffic and the more determined you do it the better at your job you seem

And not just ordinary tense my eye hasn't stopped twitching like between once an hour and once every 15min.

It's like I don't want to break up with him but I do need a mental health holiday from him.

We've tried one time at a psych but he won't open up so she was just like "oh you have differences" and I'm like being passive/aggressive isn't just a difference it's harmful

It's my fault and the rest of the day passed without too much of an issue until we were on the train on the way back and he was passive aggressive to a man whistling on the train calling him an asshole out loud and so I suggested we moved carriage so we did but the guy when he got off banged on our window which was douchey and alarming but otherwise harmless but all of that compounded and stressed me the fuck out and now almost a week I've been tense

I do love my partner but also the way he deals with issues is bad and is giving me physical signs of stress now.

Like we had a day out last week where we tried to go to a ferry but it was too scary for him to cross the bridge (fine) but he was belligerent and saying everything was awful and we were in another shithole (everywhere is a shithole to him unless it's knightsbridge, Richmond etc) and he can't decide on anything so it's up to me to make choices and therefore if something goes wrong

It's not that I feel ill per se but I have been sitting on the loo for a while and wondering what the hell did I eat badly.

Currently thinking a mix between hot spicy Ethiopian condiment and reduced coleslaw (wasn't out of date though?)

Either way I should be doing my weekly fast today but if I need rehydration sugars I'm gonna have to do it tomorrow beh